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dh2_sockpuppet in dh2_challenge

I Will

Title: I Will
Characters: Snape/Lily, Harry
Word Count: 1593
Rating: PG
Warning: Character death
Prompt/Summary: Severus Snape’s thoughts as he looks into Harry’s eyes.



“Look at me.”

Harry Potter stared back, feeling something—though he couldn’t say what exactly—as he saw the life slowly leave the man before him, this man who’d been a constant presence in his life, often annoying, terrifying, upsetting, suspicious and always mysterious. Even now, as he lay dying, Harry tried to see something—wanted to see something—to tell him who this man really was.

But Harry would get nothing from the eyes staring back at him.

Severus Snape had only one thing to think about before his last breath. He gazed into Harry’s green eyes to see her. To remember her.

She’d been gone so many years and still, Severus had thought about her every day since. At first, after graduating from Hogwarts, she came to invade his mind only sporadically, as he made friends, joined the Death Eaters, pledged his loyalty to the Dark Lord, and had experiences with other women who tried but failed to make him forget about her. Sometimes, though, she was all he thought about, especially those days right after her death and then again when her son arrived at Hogwarts. Lately, he’d been remembering her more and more, now that Professor Dumbledore had given him the grueling task of keeping Harry alive—all for her.

As Severus’s breathing grew slower and weaker, as he stared into his—her—eyes, Severus recalled everything about the woman who had taken his heart and never given it back.

Including the last time he’d seen her alive.

The war was intensifying, and he and she were on opposite sides, just as they had been since that moment that the sorting hat declared him a Slytherin and her a Gryffindor. He’d only seen her once in person since leaving Hogwarts. It was only a few months after, and he’d been in Diagon Alley looking for a particular ingredient for a new potion.

She emerged from one of the shops with another witch, a Ravenclaw who’d gone to school with them but whose name he couldn’t remember. He was distracted by her, her face white and flawless and her eyes bright and shining. She still looked the same, as beautiful as he would always remember. He’d hid in an alley and didn’t dare say anything as she passed by. He had nothing to say to her, nothing that she wanted to hear,
anyway.

Until the day that he heard the news about her and him. Severus suddenly needed to tell her everything. He summoned her by owl to The Leaky Cauldron, where he waited for her in one of the second-floor rooms. He hadn’t said much in the note except that he really needed to talk to her in person, not to tell James, and then begged her to meet him as it’d likely be the last time they’d see each other without fear of reprisal or death. He’d received a response later that same day.

I will.

Severus got up from the bed and paced around the room. He knew what he wanted to say; he just didn’t know how to say it. But he had to tell her and make her understand everything about him . . . about them.

“Severus?”

Severus turned around. His lips instinctively curled up in a smile. “Lily,” he whispered.

She had on a dark green dress that illuminated her eyes even more. She stood in front of the closed door, staring at Severus and waiting.

“Lily,” he repeated, still not quite believing that she was here in front of him after all this time.

She glanced around the room, as if checking for something, or someone.

“It’s not a trap. Nobody’s here. It’s just you and me,” Severus said as he walked towards her.

Lily quickly stepped back and hit the door, causing Severus to stop.

“I’m not going to hurt you. How could you think I—”

“What did you need to see me about, Severus?” she asked, her voice cold and flat.

Severus exhaled sharply. “Is it true about you and Potter? Are you—are you really going to marry him?”

Lily’s brows furrowed as he stared at him. “What?”

“I heard it from someone and—”

“This is what you needed to talk to me about?” Lily interrupted, her voice now infused with feeling. She walked away from the door and moved towards Severus. “About James?”

Severus glanced down the floor. “He’s, he’s not right for you.”

Lily, now only inches from Severus, shook her head slowly. “You don’t know him.”

Severus looked into her eyes. “Yes, I do. He’s arrogant and cruel and--"

"--and good!” exclaimed Lily as her voice grew louder. She stepped even closer to Severus. “He’s a good man, Severus. He cares about saving lives, not ending them!”

“Lily, I have never—”

“But you would, wouldn’t you, if, if he asked? And your friends would to. And they have so don’t deny it, Severus, don’t you dare deny it,” Lily yelled, her soft eyes now hard and cold.

“I won’t deny what those who I know have done if you don’t deny the same thing about your own group. They would act in exactly the same way if they had to.”

“To defend ourselves and protect those we love,” Lily explained, her voice no longer as shrill as before. “We do what we have to do to protect our loved ones. Don’t you?”

I’d do anything for you, Severus wanted to say.

“James wants to protect me and keep me safe. And I believe him; I trust him more than anyone,” Lily said quietly.

Severus reached out and touched her arm. “You can trust me.” He slid his hand down her arm to her hand, which he cautiously and gently clasped.

Lily looked down at their joined hands and sadly shook her head. “I can’t.”

“You did once.”

“That was a long time ago.”

“I’m still the same person, Lily.”

Lily looked up at him and released his hand. “No, you’re not.”

“I will be if . . .”

“If what?”

Severus once again reached for her hand. “If you come back to me. Marry me, Lily. Let me keep you safe.” There, he’d said it.

Lily’s emerald eyes widened and she stepped back. “What? I—I don’t, I can’t even—I, I have to go.” She turned around but Severus, always quicker than her, beat her to the door.

“Wait.”

“Severus, please,” she pleaded, and for the first time in his life, Severus saw fear in her eyes.

Severus immediately held up his hands in front of her. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Someone’s waiting for me downstairs.”

Severus put his hands down. “You told him?”

“Not, not James. Remus. He didn’t want me to come alone.”

Severus stared at her.

She shook her head. “He won’t tell James.”

“Let him go, Lily.” He put his hands on her shoulders and looked deep into her eyes. “And we can run away, just the two of us.”

Lily sighed. “You’d never escape him. He’d track you down; he’d find you. You have his mark.” She touched the Dark Mark above his wrist. “You belong to him.”

Severus held Lily’s face in his hands. “I belong to you,” he whispered.

Lily’s eyes teared up. “But I belong to James.” Her hands covered Severus’s. “I’m sorry but I can’t trust you anymore, Severus. You’re not you anymore.”

“Don’t,” Severus said harshly, slightly shaking Lily’s head as he gripped it in his hands. “Don’t, Lily.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t think of me like this,” Severus said resignedly, his hands dropping from Lily’s face. He knew he’d lost. “If you’re going to go through with it and go back to him, remember me, please. Think of me like you did all those days many years ago.”

Lily smiled. “The boy who knew everything.”

Severus returned the smile.

“The boy who could survive anything, do anything, be anything . . .”

Severus touched the red hair cascading around her heart-shaped face.

“My companion , my confidante,” Lily continued, putting her hands on Severus’s shoulders and leaning closer to him. “The best friend I once had.”

“Yes, please,” he said quietly. “Remember me like that.”

“I will.”

Severus put a hand under her chin. “And I’ll remember you as the prettiest, smartest girl with the big, green eyes who knew me like no one ever has.”

Lily nodded. “Please do.” She laid the gentlest of kisses on Severus’s cheek and then stepped back. “Good bye, Severus.”

Both stood motionless, staring at each other and saying more with their eyes than they could—or dared—with their words. Lily then turned and headed to the door. She paused and glanced behind her shoulder. “I—I’ll see you.”

“You will.”

She walked out of the room and out of his life forever.

“Good bye, Lily.”

Severus’s breathing slowed drastically as he kept staring into Harry’s—no, her—eyes. He’d always remembered her as he had first known her, and that’s why it hadn’t been too hard to say yes to Dumbledore, agree to his crazy plan and commit himself to the role of Harry’s secret guardian to protect the one thing left in this world that was a part
of her.

As he looked into the dark green eyes, Severus Snape was no longer afraid of dying because though life had been cruel, he believed death would be, and had to be, relief.

And peace.

And death meant her, a chance to see her again.

He no longer had to remember.

Comments

Heartbreaking. I never understood what Severus saw in her as she treated him like shit. This is a brilliant missing scene and very plausible.




Edited at 2011-08-06 08:01 pm (UTC)
She did treat him badly later on but I like to think that they had one very special relationship as children before Hogwarts separated them.

Thank you so much for the lovely comment!
*sighs* Poor Severus...
Poor Severus indeed. Thanks for reading!
Severus's story is such a sad one. Thank you for giving him a bit of peace.
Thank you for the comment. And you're welcome. :)

August 2011

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